...of the minor things in life, not even the finer;).

More to the point: not being ashamed of physical aspect of the person you're with in public, nor my son  having to explain to his classmates that the man picking him up is not his grandfather.... During my time with Peo, I was (though proclaiming to his face his gorgeousness) slightly embarrased to be seen with him, only feeling comfortable in company where he had the chance to charm people with his wit and intelligence.

I loved him for (what I thought to be) his personality, his accomplishments and multitude of interests. In retrospect, with the knowledge that (maybe) 90% of all he ever told me was lies, it is easy to laugh at my own foolishness. I admired him for scuba diving (though when at the underwater hotel in Florida he wasn't allowed to dive down), having a pilots license (recreational aircraft), emotionally supporting his friends (notably Helen whom he supposedly stayed with in hospital during the time her prematurely born baby fought for his life), financially aiding his (according to him) loser sister dealing with the notoriously deranged exhusband and coping with new boyfriend dying in cancer, not to mention his keeping the peace between his siblings and his haradan schizophrenic mother suffering from KOL (not sure what it is in English, but some kind of lung disease), not to mention his supporting his wife against the dysfunctional inlaws with the brother-in-law sponging off the parents and possibly being a pedophile.

What can I say? I have never laughed as much, as during the good times with Peo; but I am laughing equally much now, after healing and gaining perspective, because of what (not who) he actually is.

So, I'm grateful. Believe it or not. I have learnt to appreciate things that matter (shallowly enough, also the importance of looks) like capability, goodness, honesty. I also appreciate what it has taught me about myself: that even though I may be gullible, my heart is in the right place: I need not resort to lies, because the truth conquers in the end; I still believe in the goodness of people (though I require a bit more proof nowadays;).

Financially and timewise, I may have lost a lot. But... as to who I am and what is important, I am the winner.




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